MySpace: Dating Site for the Mentally Challenged

I've never been much of a MySpace girl.  The only reason I got an account was to be able to communicate with former campers that were, at the time, too young to have a Facebook account.  Because I preferred the simplicity of Facebook, I didn't check my MySpace account very often.  However, when I DID sign in, I always had an inbox full of messages from strangers in an attempt of, what I identify as, a virtual mating call.  At first, I responded to the non-vulgar ones that came from seemingly competent men with something along the lines of, "I'm flattered but I'm not here to find a boyfriend.  Good luck."  Eventually, the number got overwhelming and I began to just read...never responding.

There was nothing special about my profile. My photo was a closeup black and white picture of my face.  Nothing special.  Nothing that would invite the lewd messages that I received.

Let me take a moment to say, I was a language major. I love languages. I love the beauty of a well crafted sentence.  While I'm able to forgive the occasional grammatical/spelling mistake, I find a blatant disregard for language rules very off-putting...and in a potential mate....a turn off.

With that being said, the efficiency of communication on the internet has made us idiots.  I'm willing to bet that if you were to take the cell phone away from 10 teenagers, 9 of them would filled with messages that looked like a rabbit got a hold of it and humped the SHIT out of the keyboard until he happen to chance upon the 'send' button.  I've taught special needs students that have a better handle on written expression in spite of their cognitive disadvantage.

I want to share a few examples.  Please tell me if I'm crazy for not falling to my knees in sexual captivation.

Note: Names and faces have been blurred to protect the stupid and desperate. Click on the picture to enlarge.


Starts with a compliment, ends with an offer that's difficult to refuse.


I mean, WOW. And over the course of 3 years I received this message more than once from the same person. Looks like a "copy and paste throw-the-net-out-there-and-see-what-I-get" type of thing. And here I thought I was special. Jerk.


Now this guy is a series. I never responded (I almost never do), and he became a little upset...but it didn't stop him from trying. (Take note of the date and subject lines):



Eh? I'll pass. Two months later:


I would like to make note that "Milly" is supposed to be a nickname. One that I dislike...a LOT. Not even close to my real name. And this guy has taken it upon himself to christen me as such. All while trying impress me with his 'suave game.'  You'd think he'd take the hint and leave well enough alone. Oh no..."Earl" is not to be deterred. In fact, the same day:


Now, he's upset that I haven't responded to his mating call. On my profile, it says that I enjoy meeting new people. I should have added, "not via the interwebz". He decides to 'call me out':



Ugh, again with the "Milley" (subject line). Maybe I'm just a bitch, but if you were trying to contact someone that you didn't know for social reasons, and they weren't responding...wouldn't you file that one in the "Loss' column?  Cut your losses? +1 for tenacity...

....-1000 for changing his name to "James," -1000 for a disregard for the English language, and -100,000 for  his lack of ability to take a hint. And for all of you who say, "Aw, he doesn't seem too bad. Aren't you being a little harsh?" Well, I decided to check out his profile and this is the first thing that popped up:



HOW DARE I RESIST ALL OF THAT?!?!  Next.




I would LOVE a translation.  For the life of me, I can't figure out what the hell he was trying to say.


Now this last one...is my crown jewel. There aren't really too many words that can describe this message. This guy better thank his lucky stars that I wasn't some crazed lunatic or a pedophile posing as a semi attractive girl. See why:




I wonder if any of these guys were able to find the love they were looking for.

Until then, "scream at cha gurl."